Finding Motivation

Let’s talk about motivation. I find that motivation can be the easiest and the most difficult to find. When it comes to planning a vacation, finding the perfect cocktail dress, or getting to know someone new, motivation is like air—easily accessible and instinctive. But when I find myself trying for the fifth time to break my sugar addiction, motivation is as dry as the Mojave Desert in August.

But I found something true, something that makes sense and is helping me to build motivation one attempt at a time.

Dr. Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Eight Weeks to Optimum Health, describes motivation in a very motivating way. Dr. Weil uses cigarettes as the analogy.

“Research into cigarette addiction indicates that making an attempt to quit is the best predictor of eventual success, even if the attempt itself is not successful…. Attempting to quit is commitment to changing behavior, a measure of motivation, and whether you succeed or fail is less important than making the attempt. Even if you resume smoking in a week, you lose no credit for the effort. In fact, the effort adds to a reservoir of motivation that one day will be full enough to initiate the sudden change that enables people to drop habits without struggling. Such is the power of motivation, but it must come from within.”

While I push forward toward my goal of a sugar-free lifestyle, I realize that the new me I am struggling to create is still deeply attached to the old me. Old addictions, old habits, old surroundings. I recently visited a place I used to live years ago. Within two days I found myself falling back into the habits that ruled my life then: big meals, rich desserts, and little exercise. The progress I had worked so hard to access dissipated rapidly.

But today I am starting again. Next week I will most likely begin once more. I will probably falter all over again in November. But each time I recommit, the water level in my growing reservoir rises another inch. Each time I take a fresh approach, I learn a little more about myself. And with knowledge comes freedom. So, start today. And freedom will seep into your life one day at a time, one inch at a time, until it defines your future and pervades your choices.

Sugar Fast

It is simple. Quite simple. Sugar is not good for you. Described as gasoline on a fire, sugar gives you quick energy, but it does not last.

So, I have decided to do a very brave thing. I am quitting. Yes, you heard me right. Sugar isn't for me anymore. You would be surprised how easy it is. I will tell you how.

First, make a list of WHY you want to stop sugar intake. I will share my list, maybe you can agree with me on a few things:

1) I want to be comfortable in all situations
2) I want self-confidence
3) I want to accept my body and use it to its fullest
4) I want to make progress, I am addicted to progress
5) I want to throw off the baggage that I carry
6) Health insurance
7) I want to be an example to others
8) Heck, I want to look good!
9) I want to be happy
10) I want to master myself

But, let's think about this for a minute. Fasting is good for all parts of the self: body, spirit, mind. However, there are moments where I need to allow sugar. Special occasions like wedding receptions, birthday parties, and hot dates. I need to allow exceptions--without exceptions, binging could become a problem.

I invite everyone to join me. It doesn't have to be sugar. But I want you to think about something in your life that you know you don't need. Something that seems to control you, instead of you being in charge. Think about it. Make a decision. And then, we help each other do it! Who is with me? Let's make the decision to be better today. After all, today is all we have, forever is a series of todays.

Building Emotional Resilience

Emotions play a large role in our lives. It is vital to reach and maintain good emotional health now.

I recently read an article that said:

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behavior. They are able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive, fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on.

People who are mentally and emotionally healthy have:

* A sense of contentment.
* A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.
* The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.
* A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their
relationships.
* The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.
* A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.
* The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.
* Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

Building your resilience

Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and traumatic events. This happens in several ways, including:

* Letting yourself experience strong emotions, and also realizing when you may need to avoid experiencing them at times in order to continue functioning
* Stepping forward and taking action to deal with your problems and meet the demands of daily living, and also stepping back to rest and reenergize yourself
* Spending time with loved ones to gain support and encouragement, and also nurturing yourself
* Relying on others, and also relying on yourself

APRIL: National Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month, I will now recite my two favorite poems--

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.

-- Shel Silverstein

Bravo! Bravo! Thank you! Thank you! And now, the serious piece:

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
by E. E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

If you are hoping for my personal interpretation,forgive me. It would take too long to write it, my explanation wouldn't do the poem justice, and my insight grows everyday. So, I will just leave it to you to find what you will from my favorite poems.

To receive a poem a day for the month, click here and enter your e-mail address.

Posture and Confidence

My parents put me in piano lessons when I was seven. I learned early that good posture was key when playing the piano.

At the age of 14 I began ballroom dancing. I was tall so I danced on the Standard Team. Standard dances are the smooth, graceful ones with the big, pretty dresses (Waltz, Foxtrot, Tango, etc). As a dancer, posture was absolutely vital.

In college, I became a writer. And my posture was destroyed. Yes, I spent countless hours staring at my computer screen, typing away. I developed a slouch and my neck and shoulders never felt happy.

And so, I began my quest to regain posture. Here is what I learned:

Take the Test:

Sit or stand normally, now drop your chin toward your chest and take a breath. Now stand or sit up straight and take another breath. Notice anything? Hopefully.

Now ask yourself these questions:

1. By the end of the work or school day, are your neck and shoulders more tired than the rest of your body?
2. Are your shoulder muscles rock hard?
3. Does a neck and shoulders massage just make your day?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then we are on the same quest.

In an article from Psychology Today, Catherine New shares that “Sitting at a badly arranged workspace, for example, tilts the torso forward, placing extra tension on the spine and causing it to curve. Your muscles then adjust to this newfound position. From there, chest muscles shorten and abdominal muscles weaken, while back muscles stretch and overextend. Also, this posture can compress and contribute to the breakdown of cartilage between your vertebrae. Over time, this can contribute to osteoarthritis. In short, ‘our bodies weren't designed to sit all day,’ says Tammy Bohne, a chiropractor in New York City.”

Slouching also puts extra pressure on our lungs and heart, making them work harder and stealing our much needed energy.

There are two things that need to change now: habits and exercise. Luckily, posture is something that can be strengthened through daily exercises and good habits.

Exercises

Try these on a regular basis:

1) Stand straight, tighten your stomach, and lift one knee up at a right angle to your body. Hold it for 30 seconds or less, bracing on a wall if needed. Then repeat the exercise on the other side. It helps restore balance to the body and strengthen the core.

2) Maintain a slight tension at your belly button, pulling it toward your back. Think about sucking your belly button to your spine. This tightens the abdominal muscles to support your rib cage. And it makes you feel skinnier, bonus.

3) Stretch your chest. Face a wall and lift one arm up at a right angle against the wall, turn your body away while your arm is still against the wall and feel the stretch across your chest. Hold for a few moments then switch sides.

4) Strengthen your back muscles. Hold your arms in front of you, with your hands in loose fists. Pull back and squeeze the shoulder blades together.

Habits

Now, here are some habits that will help you stay focused on your goal of better posture:

1) Change positions every 15 minutes; sitting or standing in one position too long tires the muscles.

2) Keep your chin parallel to the ground to keep the head in line with the spine and take stress off the neck.

3) Wear supportive shoes like and take a break from heels to help the spine align.

4) Sleep on a firm mattress.

5) Maintain a healthy weight since extra pounds strain abdomen muscles.

6) Don't overload yourself with a heavy bag worn over one shoulder. Find a good fitting, double-strapped backpack and don't overload it.

7) Don't cradle your phone receiver between your neck and shoulder.

8) Be aware of your posture. The more familiar you are with proper alignment, the easier it is to maintain.

9) Get into the habit of going through a quick posture drill every time you hang up the phone, or set an alarm to remind yourself.

In an article from Psychology Today, author Katie Gilbert shared that Paula Niedenthal, a psychology professor at Universite Blaise Pascal in France who has conducted posture and emotion research said, “’People with their chins down and their shoulders rounded are going to be less receptive to potentially good information.’ So sit up straight when receiving praise to intensify the glow.”

“Studies of posture and its effect on emotions have shown that by consciously assuming a confident or cheerful physical stance, you can empower your inner optimist”—that means posture. When you feel on top of the world you stand up and raise your chin. Let’s get there together.

Read more:

Natural Health’s “Make One Change: Get it straight”
Psychology Today’s “Straight Up: Don’t Be a Slouch”
Psychology Today’s “Mind Your Body: Taking a Stand”

Three Steps to Motivation

There are a couple of things I have learned about motivation. It is hard. But, if you are willing to work on it, motivating yourself is possible.

First, you need to be accountable. This means you need to find a friend who wants to progress and succeed just as much as you do. For me, this friend is named Chris. Chris is brilliant and very caring. Chris and I meet every Sunday evening and we plan out the week and report on our goals. It is important to have a support, someone who will witness your progress and help you move forward.

Second, you need to plan out small steps. This is vital. I like lists, so instead of saying “make baby blanket for Becky,” I say:

1. Go to WalMart
2. Decide on colors
3. Select material
4. Cut material
5. Tie
6. Wrap
7. Present

When I accomplish one of the steps I put a big red check mark next to it. I feel so good. Then, miraculously, I want to check off more steps—and I get things done. It is a wonderful process.

Third, look at the big picture. This is something Chris taught me, I believe he read it in “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” by Stephen R. Covey. I hope this is something you will try as well:

Chris handed me a blank piece of paper.

Chris: “List the five people that you respect the most.”

I wrote down my five names. I included people like my mother, my best friend/ cousin, and my future daughter, among others.

Chris: “Now, list underneath each name how you want them to remember you.”

What?

Chris: I know this might sound morbid, but pretend it is your funeral and these five people are giving your eulogy. What would you want them to say about you?

This took a little longer than I thought. For the first time in weeks I looked past the paper due or the magazine edits that were stressing me out. I looked at my life as a whole, from beginning to end. I looked at my relationships; the strong ones and the weak ones. And I was able to see who I wanted to be.

I still keep that piece of paper with me and read it on a regular basis. Although finding the desire to keep going in life is a difficult task at times. If you practice these three steps, your personal satisfaction and progress will develop.

Trust Issues

Trust. It is an issue. When was the last time you were seriously disappointed in someone? How often do you make the mistake of letting someone down? Are you trustworthy?

Well, Martha Beck, contributing writer for O Magazine, amazed me in her recent article “Who’s Never Going to Let You Down?” Beck presented a few simple questions to help everyone see the trustworthiness of people.

The “YES” Questions:

1. Does Person X usually show up on time?
2. When Person X says something is going to happen, does it usually happen?
3. When you hear Person X describing an event, and then get more information
about that event, does the new information usually match Person X’s
description?

The “NO” Questions:

1. Have you ever witnessed Person X lying to someone, or assuming you’ll help
deceive a third person?
2. Does Person X sometimes withhold information in order to make things go more
smoothly, or to avoid conflict?
3. Have you ever witnessed Person X doing something (lying, cheating, being
unkind) that he or she would condemn if another person did it?

By Any Other Name. . .

I grew up with the less common name Erica. I have always liked my name. But imagine a really outdated name like . . . Mildred. In 1919 Mildred was on the top ten most popular names list, according to the Social Security Administration. But today it would be considered very old fashioned, and let’s face it, you would probably be teased now if your name was Mildred.

But an article from Time magazine actually suggests that the popularity of your name could determine your future criminal record.

This new study, soon to be published in the Social Science Quarterly, found “that adolescent boys with unpopular names are likelier than other boys to be referred to the juvenile-justice system for alleged offenses. The researchers conclude that the Ernests, Prestons and Tyrells of America are significantly more delinquent than the Michaels and Davids.


Think about it. What we are called on a regular basis is how we see ourselves. If someone called you a “nerd” every day, you might start seeing yourself as a nerd. If someone at school thought your name was strange or old fashioned you may start seeing yourself as “uncool” or alienated. Poor Mildred.

Consider some more statistics found:

• Most people perceive those with unconventionally spelled names (Patric, Geoffrey) as less likely to be moral, warm and successful.
• We have a tendency to judge boys' trustworthiness and masculinity from their names.
• Boys with names commonly given to girls are likelier to be suspended from school.
• Having an unusual name leads to unfavorable reactions in others, which then leads to unfavorable evaluations of the self.

Many of these examples are for boy names. What are some statistics for girl names?

• The name Allison is rarely given to girls whose mothers didn't finish high school but is frequently given to girls whose mothers have 17 years or more of schooling.
• On average, parents with less schooling are likelier to pick unpopular names for their kids.

Although this is an interesting and provoking question, do you really think that your name will determine your criminal record?

I will admit—this article has me paying a lot more attention to the people around me. And it has me thinking, who is Erica?